The Choices We Make
by A-non.Lurker
Summary: ...an extraordinary woman who impacted her life and helped shape the girl she was and the woman she would become." Explores motherhood/being a daughter. Anna, Ellie, Peyton, and Sawyer. Fuller summary inside. slight mentions of Brooke and others.


**A/N: I don't own One Tree Hill or it's characters, only the journey I choose to take them on.**

**This is basically an exploration and expansion of some things we were given on the show regarding the mother/daughter relationships revolving around Peyton. There are four sections, that take that person's POV. Anything with this kind of quote- "'blah blah blah'" is dialogue lifted directly from the show to explain something or be further explored...most of that happens in Ellie's section, since the show gave us a lot of little tidbits to work with! :-)**

**If the length is a little daunting, I apologize...once I started, I couldn't seem to stop, lol. I happen to be quite fond of the entire thing, but if you find yourself not, just skip down to the last (Sawyer's) section, because that happens to be a favorite of mine. It does touch upon Brooke's situation, but mainly in terms of using it for Sawyer to understand Peyton's history. This is unbeta'd so any and all mistakes are solely my own. Enjoy!**

***Anna***

Anna Sawyer couldn't help the laugh that bubbled up at the sight of her five year old daughter, Peyton. The tiny blonde was spastically dancing around the kitchen, singing along to _Do You Remember Rock 'N Roll Radio_ with The Ramones at the top of her lungs, while Anna finished drying the dinner dishes. A dancer, the girl was not. But that didn't take away from the sheer enjoyment the little girl was having in that moment, moving freely to the beat, with a wide smile on her face. A smile Anna adored seeing on her child; a smile she couldn't help but mimic as she tossed the dish towel on the counter, grabbed Peyton by the hand, and joined in.

The two of them sang and danced to the next couple of upbeat songs, before Anna finally conceded defeat and collapsed on one end of the couch in the living room. Peyton did a hoop 'n holler victory lap, making her mom laugh in amused fondness.

Opening her arm, Anna gestured for Peyton to come and cuddle with her for a while, which the little girl did. Her baby was growing so fast, and Anna knew that moments like these wouldn't last forever. She had to get in as many good cuddles as she could _now_, before Peyton felt too grown up to humor her mother with snuggling.

"Mommy, wanna hear something 'citing?"

"Hmm?" Anna started running her fingers through Peyton's naturally curly hair. Somehow, the frenetic dancing in the kitchen had managed to create a veritable forest of wild, tangled knots.

"Simon, at school, just got a baby brother! He told us at show 'n tell."

Anna laughed softly. "How'd he get a baby brother at school? Did he win a contest?"

"No, silly!" Peyton giggled. "His mommy grew it in her tummy. I saw her; it was really big, like a beach ball! Simon told the class that she went to the doctor last weekend, and then came back with a baby brother. He cries a lot, and Simon asked his mom if they could get a different brother instead, but she said you don't get to choose babies. They grow in your tummy, and the doctor gives you yours and no one else's. Celeste asked how the doctors got it out, but no one knew, not even Mrs. Peters!" The last sentence was said with a little bit of awe, since Peyton thought teachers were supposed to know that kind of stuff.

"I don't know either. I guess it's a mystery. You're just gonna have to grow up to be a doctor and find that out. And then you can tell me." She lightly tickled her daughter, eliciting more giggles.

"Nope. I'm gonna be famous for painting. Or maybe a pilot, 'cause that'd be cool. I might wanna even be the boss of a whole lotta people!"

"Because you're so bossy?" Anna teased.

Peyton laughed, and pulled away a little. "Yep. Daddy says I'm just like you!"

"Hey!"

"Well, he did!" Peyton exclaimed playfully. "When's he coming home, anyway? He's been gone _for-ever_!"

"Friday, crazy girl. In two days, then he'll be home for almost a month before he has to do another job. And he's only been gone for a week. Which is…?" She trailed off, waiting for her daughter to fill in the blank.

Peyton rolled her eyes and tilted her head. "Seven days. I can even name 'em all." She boasted.

Anna hugged her close for a moment. "I know. You're such a smart girl. I'm really proud of you, you know."

"Thanks, Mommy!" She beamed, returning the hug fervently.

Anna glanced at the clock on the wall, noting how late it was getting. "I think it's time for someone's bath."

"Can I have bubbles?"

"Of course, sweetheart."

Peyton peeked at her mom from under long lashes. "The good smelling kind?"

"Ooooh!" Anna laughed, standing and scooping the little girl into her arms, "Just who are you trying to impress?"

Peyton smiled slightly, but looked kind of confused. "What?"

"Nothing, sweetie." The older blonde just shook her head in self directed amusement. Maybe Peyton was still a little too young for that kind of teasing. She couldn't wait until her daughter grew up; to see what kind of woman she'd become. But at the same time, she wished Peyton could stay her little girl forever. "Strawberry or vanilla?"

"'nilla. That one kinda smells like you, and I think you smell really pretty, Mommy."

Anna felt her heart practically melt; she simply hugged her baby closer as they climbed the stairs to Peyton's room.

Bath time went pretty quickly, as did combing out Peyton's curls and Anna's rendition of Etta James' _At Last_ as a lullaby. Listening to her mommy sing was one of Peyton's favorite ways to end a day; in her opinion, it beat a plain old story hands down.

She snuggled down into her pillow, Anna pulling the blankets up and tucking them snuggly around her. Kissing her forehead, she smiled at her daughter and murmured the exact same thing she said every night, without fail.

"'If I could line up all the little girls in the world, I'd choose you.'"

Peyton gave her a sleepy smile, before seemingly immediately drifting off. Anna smoothed wayward curls off a tiny face, before settling back on the end of the bed to watch over her baby girl for a few moments. She let her mind wander a little, Peyton's words from earlier floating through her thoughts.

_She said you don't get to choose babies. They grow in your tummy, and the doctor gives you yours and no one else's. _

Anna was extremely grateful it wasn't that cut and dried. And that you did get to choose. Or, sometimes, be the one who was chosen.

Anna had been married to her husband, Larry, for all of a year before they agreed to start a family. They tried for almost two years without success. A lot of stressful visits and appointments with various doctors, and they were informed of utterly devastating news: they would never have a child of their own. It just wasn't physically possible for the two of them. Larry had been heartbroken, but tried to hide it from his wife; he claimed that a family of just them was perfect. Anna, on the other hand, was almost numb. She'd always dreamt of a big family, wanting the chaos and fun that came from a full house, rather than the silence from being an only child, the way she grew up. Now, the silence was just overwhelming. She hated it.

She spent the first few months after receiving the news in a kind of daze. She fell into a routine that didn't require much thinking and retreated more and more into herself. Larry was worried; he couldn't seem to break through. Trying to support her and get his wife to grieve properly, he took fewer jobs in order to stay home. She didn't seem to really notice or care, existing in a stupor and hiding behind fake smiles and false assurances.

Until a story on the news finally caused her to break. A woman had gone over the deep end, killing her two children because they wouldn't stop crying. Anna had sobbed in Larry's arms, railing against the unfairness of the world. Despising that a mother could take the lives of her own children and not seem to care, while Anna would adore her children, but couldn't have any. Watching her, he could only cry a little himself. He didn't know how to help her with this. So he simply held her.

They'd sat there long after the tears had dried, a sense of tranquility finally descending over their home, and smoothing the cracks that had formed between them. They both knew it would take a lot of time to come to terms with their reality, but they had each other, and they'd make it.

Afterwards, if asked, Anna could never explain where the idea to adopt had come from, or when she had fully made the decision to do so. The next day, while eating breakfast, she had looked at her husband and told him she wanted a baby. She wanted to take a child someone else couldn't take care of, and give that baby the love it deserved.

They'd talked about it for a long time, discussing everything that it might entail and addressing Larry's concerns over whether they could love someone else's child like their own. Anna firmly believed they could. They would.

The process to be placed on a waiting list to adopt was long and grueling. It wasn't easy at all and sometimes caused the couple to second guess the decision to go though with this. But in the end, the desire to complete their family, gave them the strength and hope to wait it out.

Waiting wasn't easy. Three years on the list, and they still were no closer to having a baby. Larry had already resigned himself to it never happening; he and Anna argued about that, since she felt his attitude made it seem like she was selfish to keep wishing for their child. But the dissent between the two never lasted long, and they never really stopped hoping, especially Anna.

Her husband had been away on a job when Anna received a life altering call.

_This is Marjorie from the Law Offices of Walthson, Mathers, and Jenkins. I'm calling to inform you that a young woman has selected you and your husband as a possible family…_

Anna could barely breathe, and her hand was shaking uncontrollably as she attempted to write down information from the secretary. After hanging up the phone, she had stared at it in disbelief; it was happening. Maybe. Either way, she had been unable to contain her squeal of excitement, before frantically trying to get in touch with Larry. His reaction of shock and excitement had been everything she could hope for. He'd promised to return home immediately to get the ball rolling; Anna couldn't suppress her urge to celebrate and had blasted music as she raced around the house making plans. Plans to finally get her child.

Basically, they learned that they were one of five families a young woman was considering. She wanted to meet with each couple; to learn about them and why they wanted a child before she made any decisions. The birth mother was only 22 years-old, and apparently in no shape to raise a baby on her own; the father not being in the picture at all.

The birth mother lived only four hours away in a little town they'd never heard of (read: I made up!) called Truxton. That was where everything was going to take place. Walking into the conference room to meet this young woman who held their future in her hands was nerve-wracking; Anna had a grip on Larry's hand that practically rendered both of their appendages bloodless.

Her name was Elizabeth "But-you-can-call-me-Ellie" Harp and she was already seven months along. They spent the first visit covering some basic information about her and themselves, though Anna and Ellie had fallen into a spirited sidebar regarding great songs. Apparently, Ellie's current world was front and center of the music industry, which was one reason she decided on adoption: lack of stability. Truxton was where she lived now, but that hadn't always been the case, nor was it going to be.

It didn't take long before Ellie was telling Anna and Larry they were the family she'd picked. She didn't really explain why, and Anna simply just didn't care.

They were the chosen family. And that was all that mattered anyway.

The couple spent the next few months discussing details and legalities with their lawyer and decorating a room for their new baby. They agreed that they'd tell the child about Ellie when he or she was old enough to understand; any and all meetings would be the child's decision. They also came to the decision not to learn the baby's gender, though Ellie was aware of that information. Larry wanted to be surprised; because it made him happy, Anna acquiesced, decorating the nursery in neutral colors and designs.

They also settled on names in both genders. The boy's name was easy, and didn't require much discussion since it was a name they both adored. The girl's name was a little harder, but mostly because Anna didn't want simple and Larry didn't want one too girly. Plus, she kind of wanted the middle name to be after Ellie, so their child would have a piece of his or her roots to carry on. She and Larry debated on a variant of Elizabeth rather than the direct name. By the end, they had middle names for both genders, but only a boy's first name. Until, exasperated, Larry stated that "his" name works well for a daughter, too and they could just alter the spelling a little. They both loved it, so why not? The middle name would simply render the first more masculine or feminine, depending on what the baby would be.

The day Ellie called to say she'd gone into labor would later be both a blur and crystal clear for the Sawyer's. They'd stayed in Truxton the last two weeks of Ellie's pregnancy, not wanting to miss the birth because they were too far away or possibly drive themselves off the road due to nerves and excitement. Even so, the ten minute drive to the hospital was harrowing. The time spent in the waiting room excruciatingly slow and alarmingly fast at the same time.

Fourteen hours after the call, a nurse walked into the waiting room and said the best thing Anna's ever heard in her life.

"Here, come and meet your daughter."

She placed the tiny, squirming infant into the new mother's arms and stepped aside. Anna had to blink back tears as she and Larry gazed down at the most beautiful baby in the world. Their baby.

"We have a daughter." Larry managed to choke out with a half laugh. He raised his hand to gently cup the infant's head and kissed his wife's temple. "I'm a daddy…"

"Yeah." Anna whispered. "And I'm a mommy."

She wasn't aware of anything beyond their little family, not even noticing when her husband gently guided them to chairs. She sat there, examining their baby for what seemed like hours, exclaiming over tiny toes and miniscule fingers, half crying through a brilliant smile that wouldn't fade.

Finally, after years and _years_ of waiting for her, they got her. Their own perfect little girl.

Of course, Anna hadn't forgotten Ellie. She didn't have to explain much to Larry, because he always understood her. The nurse was shocked since it disregarded adoption protocol, but it wasn't her choice to make, so she said nothing about it. She just watched it unfold, slightly impressed despite her initial misgivings.

Anna proudly carried her daughter back into the hospital room and tenderly placed her into Ellie's arms. She—Ellie and the baby—deserved to spend some time together. Anna wouldn't be a mom if it weren't for the fact that Ellie couldn't be one. And that wasn't something she'd demean; so she'd share some of those first precious moments. They were special.

"Her name's Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer. And she is utterly miraculous."

Ellie cried. So did Anna. But they both laughed when Peyton added little squeaky cries of her own to the emotion packed room. In that, and many other ways, these three females would be forever connected.

The first week home in Tree Hill saw Anna with Peyton always in her arms. Every time the baby so much as made a sound, Anna was there to soothe, to marvel, to love. Larry absolutely adored watching his wife with their baby, but couldn't help but get exasperated at his lack of time with his daughter. Anna always seemed to hover when he had the baby and was quick to take her back when she deemed he held her long enough. It even got to the point where Anna was barely sleeping; instead, choosing to be ready at any nighttime sound from the monitor.

Larry had teased her relentlessly about that last habit until Anna finally replied, ""I'm always going to be there for her, no matter what. She's always going to know her mother loves her.'"

He'd smiled gently at his wife's response. He really did love her for that, but there was such a thing as too much. "Of course she's going to know that, because you're going to be a great mother—you _are_ a great mother. But you _are_ also allowed to _sleep_."

She'd laughed, slightly sheepish. She had also learned to tone down the obsessive-mom routine a little.

Chuckling softly, Anna brought herself out of her reverie about the past, and focused on her daughter in the present.

Peyton was breathing softly, curled up safe and sound under her blankets. Anna couldn't help herself, smoothing down curls yet again, before one last kiss to a tiny face. With all of the memories from the past swirling within her mind, Anna sent up a quick, silent prayer of thanks to whoever was listening for letting her be Peyton's mom. For the choices that gave her the life she had and the daughter she loved.

She'd loved her when she was an intangible idea. She'd loved her when she was a real possibility. She'd loved her when she felt that first movement under Ellie's skin. She'd loved her even more the first instant she saw and held her. And Anna Sawyer fell more in love with her daughter every day; she planned on doing so for the rest of her life. Peyton would always know her mother loves her. No matter what.

***Ellie***

If she were honest with herself, Ellie Harp would be the first to admit that she'd never seriously considered marriage or children. So when, at the age of 22 years, she found herself pregnant, the news was paralyzing. Up to this point, she'd been a carefree child, exploring boundaries, experimenting with drugs and alcohol, following the music across many different roads, and racking up some serious debt with no real way to pay if off.

Simply put, she was mess.

She had no stability in any sense of the word; and she couldn't say she could get it, either. But she did have very strong ideals about some things, stronger than even she would have thought. As soon as she found out about the baby, she'd quit drugs and drinking. It was by no means easy, or pleasant, but it was necessary. Ellie never wanted to be one of those tragic stories whispered about in the news: the mother who gave birth to a drug addicted, underweight baby, who'd have lifelong problems. _Her_ baby deserved the healthiest start at life, because the rest of it wasn't guaranteed to go well.

She'd panicked for a few weeks, not even sure how to tell the father, Mick, since they were no longer together. She honestly didn't have high hopes for his parenting skills, as he already had a child that he'd walked out on. She didn't know details of his situation with his son, but she was well aware that the last time the man interacted with the boy was a good many months ago. Call her cynical, but she had no illusions he'd be 'there' for this child either.

"I'm pregnant."

The first response she got was a blank stare. The second was, "So, what are we gonna do with it?"

Indeed. That was a pretty sobering question. She—hell, no one in her world—was in any position to raise a child. But she wasn't going to just dump it off somewhere either.

Ellie wanted to do this right—or, as right as she could, considering her prospects. And, first things first, that meant prenatal care. By the time she was entering her second trimester, the doctor, sensing her slight reserve regarding the pregnancy, had given her a host of possible options and agencies to look into.

Elizabeth Harp was going to give her child to parents who could raise it. Correction, Ellie was going to _choose_ a family for her _daughter_. The best one she could find, because it was the least—and, right now, the most—she could do for the innocent little girl who deserved a normal childhood.

She settled on handling the adoption through the Law Offices of Walthson, Mathers, and Jenkins, because they were one of the rare offices who allowed the birth parents to be active in the selection of adoptive parents. She'd browsed through very brief family bios: that covered race, ages of the potential parents, number of family members, general descriptions of careers/interests/hobbies, and how long they've been waiting.

She'd whittled the list down to five would-be families, all of them of a decent age range, with no other children in the house yet. Ellie then gathered up her tattered pride and met with each family to discuss some things. The first thing she divulged was the truth about her pretty recent drug tendency; she'd already been about 6 weeks along before she found out and kicked the habit. No one knew what, if any, effects that would have on the baby's development or health.

That knocked out two of the couples, who weren't keen on the idea of a baby with possible health issues. So, whatever, they obviously weren't right.

One couple requested to know the gender of the baby, which Ellie didn't mind sharing. They dropped from consideration due to the lack of certain 'jewels', which she hated anyway. Really, who thought adopting a child compared to shopping? First gender, then what, eye color, hair color, IQ…

That left her with two perfectly good families, who asked relevant questions about prenatal care, current developmental information from the doctor, and even how it was going on her end (which she really appreciated). Neither cared about gender; they both showed some concern over her drug history, but didn't seem to worry about ill effects; and neither family pressed for details regarding the father after she refused to give any.

The result? One hell of a tough decision.

On paper, both families were viable options. In person, both were even better. It took a few meetings to really get a feel for them, but only one family stood out. Or rather, one person.

Anna Sawyer.

She exuded a maternal manner that—strangely—comforted Ellie. Plus, it kind of came down to the eyes. Every other potential parent had the look of guardedness (like they'd been burned before), as well as hope, questions, and a small amount of judgment. Anna's eyes only held excitement and compassion, like she already considered the baby hers and felt sympathy for the situation Ellie found herself in.

That had tipped the scales in favor of the Sawyer's.

What helped put it over the edge was Anna's interest in art and music (passions of Ellie's too) and her general kindness. The obvious love between Anna and Larry was icing on the proverbial cake.

She'd found the parents for her baby.

The day she went into labor was terrifying. She had felt her daughter's insistent kicking throughout the entire last trimester, like the girl was just begging to come out and meet the world. Ellie had both looked forward to and dreaded that moment. Like many pregnant women, she looked forward to being _not_ pregnant anymore. But separation loomed imminent with the birth, and part of her was scared.

She couldn't take care of the baby. To be blunt, she also missed all aspects of her old lifestyle, and the cravings didn't stop just because usage had. On the other hand, the idea of never knowing the person she helped create…was unthinkable in a lot of ways. So she didn't often think about it.

As was the protocol for adoption, after suffering though fourteen hours of labor, they whisked the baby away before she even got a glimpse.

And tiny pieces of her heart broke.

It seemed to take forever for the baby to be born, but it was too fast at the same time. In a weird way, Ellie had gotten used to the presence of the baby, and she wasn't entirely ready to give that up yet. But maybe she'd never be fully ready, just as ready as she could be.

After, she had laid there, in that hospital bed, and just felt…empty. Everything hurt physically, emotionally, and even mentally. It hurt too much to even cry.

And then, in walked Anna with a bundle of baby. Ellie's baby. The woman had a huge smile on her face and hadn't hesitated to place that precious bundle into Ellie's arms.

"I thought you two should spend some time together."

Ellie's lips quivered and tears swam in her eyes as she gazed down at this miniature person. "She's beautiful."

Anna smiled. "Her name's Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer. And she is utterly miraculous."

And the dam had broken. The unreserved love in Anna's voice alone would have done it, but Ellie was also overwhelmed to discover the depth of love she held for the baby as well.

She couldn't help but cry with the storm of emotion raging through her. She'd been aware of Anna crying too. Then the baby—Peyton—added to it all, which made both Ellie and Anna laugh.

The arrival of the nurse eased the tension in the room, but brought a new kind of tension for Ellie. The nurse urged Anna to leave Ellie to rest, but every one of them knew that once Anna walked out that door, she wouldn't be coming back. Ellie had tightened her hold on Peyton and irrationally considered for a split second not letting her go. But only for a split second. She loved her too much to hold her back.

The nurse was nice enough to snap a photo though. And then Anna walked out the door with Ellie's baby. _Anna's_ baby, now.

Years and years and _years_ would pass before Ellie finally got to meet her daughter. Years in which Ellie would constantly take that last picture out to look at, years in which she'd wonder.

She was never the same after the adoption. Most everyone noticed, but none could explain exactly how, not even Ellie herself. And while her life was still lived on her terms, she never really immersed herself in it to the same destructive degree. She'd attempted to contact the Sawyer's about ten years after the adoption, but nothing about that went well. In any sense of the word; she only barely managed to _see_ Peyton and that was only from a distance.

She pulled herself together to try again. Then the cancer happened. Followed by remission. Three years of it. Seventeen years of wondering. So Ellie set out to meet her daughter. Finally.

Of course, life being life, it didn't start out well. Apparently Peyton had never been told she was adopted, so she had to deal with that information before figuring out how to cope with her birth mother standing on her doorstep.

Let's just say, Peyton was one fiery, stubborn, young woman…who broke Ellie's heart in ways she hadn't exactly prepared for.

"'_Look, I…I don't want to be curious about you, but I can't help it. I am.'"_

"'_Well, selfishly, I'm glad that's one battle you're losing." And she was glad for that. For the natural curiosity that brought Peyton to _her_ door this time._

"'_I'm just scared. Of forgetting my mom, okay. Anna.'"_

_The pure grief on Peyton's face with that thought moved Ellie. But she didn't know what to say, so she stayed silent._

_Peyton continued, her voice breaking every so often, "'I used to have one of her T-shirts that smelled like her and I slept with it every night. Until one day…it started to smell more like me than it did her. And so, I took it out and I tried every detergent I could find, just trying to find that smell, and I couldn't. It was gone. And…and so now sometimes I test myself, you know, just to see if I can find that smell. And once in a while I can. But it's getting harder and harder.'"_

_Ellie had to stop herself from getting overly emotional. "'I understand—'"_

"'_It's bad enough that you're, like, really into music, okay,'" Peyton interrupted. "'I don't want to find out you're an artist too.'"_

"'_Peyton—'"_

"'_Because there are some things I know I got from her, I _had_ to. And I don't…I don't wanna change that.'"_

Standing there, watching Peyton fight back tears, Ellie hadn't wanted to change that either. She may have given birth to the young woman in front of her, but Anna's influence shaped the personality Ellie wanted the chance to get to know. And she wouldn't take that away. She wouldn't be the one to bring even more pain to Peyton's eyes.

So she sort of lied. Sort of, because she told Peyton she couldn't draw, implying that the talent must have come from Anna, but knowing she herself was a good artist in her own right. Maybe the raw ability was inherited from Ellie, but the emotion, the thoughts, the inspiration for the sketches of Peyton's that she saw, those were wrapped up in Anna. So she sort of told the truth, too.

Either way, the sort of lie came back to bite her in the ass. Along with a few others.

Peyton not only found out that Ellie could indeed draw, she also found out that a non-existent article (Ellie's initial ruse to get to know Peyton) did, actually, now exist. Ellie was a writer; her way of dealing with some emotion was to put it down on paper. Peyton hadn't taken it well.

"'_But know this, Peyton. Your trust…was always more important to me than any article. You may not believe that, but it's the truth.'"_

She had torn that article in half, leaving it with the young blonde who pretty much banished Ellie from her life. She had broken that burgeoning trust, and, to Peyton (who apparently had a hard time trusting anyone in the first place), that was practically irreparable.

So Ellie pulled together the pieces of her own pride and she left.

That didn't mean it wasn't painful, because it was. It was also mixed up with the information that the breast cancer was back. Ellie was scared she may never get the chance to know her daughter or for Peyton to get to know her. Being sent away killed that idea. So Ellie built up her walls and convinced herself it was for the best.

She honestly didn't expect to see Peyton on her doorstep. She didn't expect to take the plunge and show up in Tree Hill under the guise of a 'business arrangement' to live with her daughter and spend time with her.

She didn't expect to teach or learn so much.

The time she spent getting to know Peyton was infinitely precious to her, something she feared she'd never get to do. Even in the simple moments, like talking about 'beneficial friends', college, or random stories about their lives, Ellie felt the depth of underlying emotions.

She was getting to know this girl she helped give life to, and finding out that she really _liked_ her, as a person. She just hoped she made as much of an impact on Peyton's life as the girl did on hers.

At one point, she had even stood back and watched this girl approach a manager to get a band to agree to play on their album benefiting breast cancer. She'd felt pride inch up when a nervous Peyton walked towards the band manager, hid those nerves, and completely impressed that man. Enough so, that the band agreed to her proposal. A lot of people Peyton's age wouldn't have been able to do that; she knew she wouldn't have had the guts at seventeen.

Truthfully, Ellie wasn't prepared to also enjoy Peyton's sense of humor as much as she did. She was aware that her own drifted into the cynical side of things at times, and could be off putting; not meshing well with someone else's. The fact that theirs did, was heartwarming, and made it easy to even give advice.

Like on the whole college issue. She'd been surprised, which had, in turn, surprised Peyton.

"'_I'd just assumed you'd go.'"_

"'_Why?'" Peyton had looked honestly perplexed._

"'_Because you can. I never understood people who had the chance to go and chose not to.'"_

"_Well, I don't understand people who waste four years in school, when they could be out living life.'"_

And while that was a sentiment Ellie could appreciate—living life rather than just going through it—she didn't see the rush. Peyton had the whole world at her feet; she could do anything, or become anyone. And college could even help, since she had the opportunity to attend.

Something Ellie greatly appreciated. That was just one more thing on the list of things Ellie couldn't have given to her if she'd made a different decision all those years ago. She could see Peyton learning a lot from a college experience.

Of course, Peyton had only mocked her 'seeing' things and having 'psychic abilities'. Ellie had found that funny and mocked her right back. She'd felt a small zing of guilt when she questioned the cheerleading thing, only to find out Anna had been one, too. That zing passed quickly, only to be replaced by complete curiosity.

Ellie never thought about doing so…motherly…an act as to attend a sporting event when she couldn't care less about the sport. She kind of snuck to the back of the bleachers, where she had a good view of Peyton cheering, but where Peyton couldn't see her. That blonde teen was all she cared about anyway, so she mostly missed the basketball being played in front of her.

She got to witness Peyton jumping around shouting words of encouragement to the players, getting anxious at close calls, being excited at great plays, and goofing off with her friends. Despite Peyton's blasé attitude regarding cheering, Ellie noticed, in that game, how much she actually enjoyed doing it. She got to see a 'normal childhood' moment, and she couldn't have been more affected by it.

She'd left before Peyton noticed she'd been there at all, returning to the house to sit with a sketchpad and pencil in hand. She needed to put emotion to paper, but this time she didn't use words. She put the complementary and contradictory sides of Peyton onto paper, creating an idea for the cover of their album; the cheery, the punk, the cynic, the friendly, the strength, the charitable. Just a few of the many facets the girl possessed. She couldn't contain the tears that trickled down her face as she sketched, only able to get them under control right before she expected Peyton's return.

Once Peyton entered the house, Ellie had confessed to having gone to the game, and made a weak attempt at trying to disguise the mass of emotion watching her daughter caused within her.

"'_Well, why didn't you come say hi?'"_

"'_I just wanted to watch you do your thing. You were great!'"_

_The teen had rolled her eyes and remarked dryly, "'Yeah, I can go pom to pom with the cheeriest.'"_

"'_I'm serious, Peyton. You're smart, you're funny, you're beautiful. From what I can see, there's nothing you're not good at.'"_

And that was true. She barely spent any time with Peyton, but she could already see just how amazing she was. She'd gotten big name bands to play her all-ages club night. Hell, she _started_ an all-ages club night, in a club she played a huge part in getting up and running. She had close friends who were important to her, and whom she supported. She'd convinced bands to take a chance on an unknown kid to play on her benefit album. She'd gotten things done, and she had yet to fully enter adulthood. She was impressive. And Ellie couldn't have been more fulfilled for having gotten this chance to know her.

_Peyton had given her a weird look and asked, "'You on something?'"_

"'_Except taking complements, apparently.'" Ellie had to chuckle. How could someone be so humble as to not see what had already been accomplished?_

"'_No…I'm sorry. I…I'm not used to it.'"_

'"_You know, as I sat there watching you tonight, I thought to myself… This girl has so much to offer the world, if only she could see it.'"_

Peyton being who she is, kind of brushed that aside. Ellie just didn't understand the girl's modesty regarding her own abilities and successes. Maybe the rest of the world would see it and convince Peyton to see it, too. Or maybe, just maybe, Peyton would start to see it for herself, and then make the world take notice. Ellie decided, during the time she had left with her daughter, she'd try to make her see herself the way Ellie did.

It didn't take long at all for the album to be mostly finished, Ellie taking that time to hang out and talk with Peyton. She did manage to hide one thing, though. She was getting sicker; feeling weak, vomiting often, and getting dizzying headaches.

There was just a feeling deep in the pit of her gut that told her to leave. She didn't want to; she wanted more time. She wanted to laugh more with Peyton, to tell stories, to see her grow into adulthood. But she had made a promise to herself…and to Larry.

_I am not about to let her watch me die._

That was the absolute last thing she would want to put that girl through. She knew Peyton had been in the hospital when Anna died, days after the accident, never having woken up. She did not want Peyton's last memory of her to be similar. She wanted to be remembered as happy and okay. She hoped that would help ease the hurt. And selfishly, she wanted to die at home, surrounded by her music, rather than with the chaos of ambulances or hospitals…something that was sure to happen if she stayed.

She'd been prepared to say goodbye-for-now, and take off. But Fate had other ideas.

A huge storm and blackout hit Tree Hill, preventing her from leaving. She couldn't be upset though, because it gave her one last night with Peyton. One last night to discuss music, to share big moments and talk, for the first time, about the cancer with her daughter. Ellie wasn't afraid of dying…that was just a part of life. She wanted Peyton to learn that.

Ellie had to fight tears as she attempted to convey that message.

"'_Look at you. You've had more life changing events in…the first seventeen years of your life, than I'd wish on anyone. You got the surviving part down. I want you to focus more on the _living._'"_

"'_Sometimes surviving's about all the living I can handle.'" A statement that nearly broke Ellie's already crumbling heart._

"'_I don't buy that for one second. And if you keep this up, hiding in your art and your sadness, you're really gonna miss out. Because the truth is, there is nothing to be afraid of. It's just life.'"_

With that, Ellie took Peyton by the hand to give her a demonstration. They had literally gone driving into the torrential storm of 'life' and celebrated the sheer freedom that came with it: that feeling of being utterly and totally _alive_.

Afterwards, sitting there combing her daughter's hair, Ellie started to understand a little more what it feels like to be a mother. It was a subtle feeling, whispering into a quiet moment of shared thoughts and spoken words of comfort and advice. Sharing one of the things meeting Peyton had taught her, and gently encouraging Peyton to take the chances and risks in order to gain her deepest desires.

Ellie also took the serenity and stillness of that moment to say aloud something she never really had. To actually call Peyton _her _daughter; to let Peyton hear her. The teen hadn't pulled away like Ellie had kind of feared she would. She'd just simply stayed there, wrapped up in Ellie's arms. A moment of absolute understanding between the two of them.

But morning came too soon.

"'_I came back to make sure you had a good life. And you made sure I had a great one.'"_

It really did break her heart to hear Peyton say she didn't want Ellie to leave. But she had to. There were some things she just couldn't do in front of her daughter. This was one of them.

She'd gone back to her house, feeling exceedingly unwell, but strangely at peace. She'd surrounded herself with her music, put on the song that captured a truly _alive_ moment, and thought about her daughter.

She had told Peyton that she was sorry to have missed those first seventeen years, but that she wouldn't trade those three weeks of being with her for the world. And she wouldn't.

Those were _her_ memories and moments with her daughter, and no one else's. Those were moments to hold close and savor. Just hers. A time that brought her comfort and peace, that answered questions and made her yearn for more. A time she hopes Peyton will look back on with fondness and love.

If she had to do everything all over, she'd do it just the same. Yes, she would always be sad to have missed those seventeen years, but she refused to regret it. Every decision she made all those years ago, helped shape the amazing woman her daughter was becoming. When she chose to continue the pregnancy; when she chose to give her up; when she chose her daughter's family; when she chose not to interfere during her 'screwed up' years; when she chose to come back and unleash a monumental secret on an unsuspecting teenager.

She wouldn't regret any of it because regret changed nothing. She couldn't go back in time and undo those choices; she could only move forward and deal with the results of them. Even if she could go back in time, she didn't think she would. Different choices on her part might mean having that lifetime with her daughter; but it would also mean a different environment, different friends, different experiences and memories. It would mean a different Peyton. And she absolutely loved the Peyton she'd gotten to know. She wouldn't change her…so she wouldn't change her choices either.

No, regrets change nothing. Ellie would spend her last moments _cherishing_ the moments she _did_ get to have. Studying the picture she had from Peyton's birth, listening to a treasured song, and being thankful for time spent with her daughter. And every choice that brought her to those moments.

***Peyton***

Peyton leaned back into the rocking chair and lightly set it into motion, one hand resting on her 'baby' bump. She sniffled and blinked her eyes tightly, hoping to stem the tears as she stared silently at the inactive cam-corder. She had though she should. She had also known her fiance, Lucas Scott, wouldn't like her doing it, which is why she hid it from him in the first place. He had definitely not been pleased to find her doing it.

She could only be so optimistic. It just wasn't in her nature to overlook what could go wrong, since life had taught her some pretty hard learned lessons. She simply wanted a way for her child to know her in the event she didn't survive this pregnancy. A box for her child to hold in his or her hands and 'go through' with her via video as she explained some important information. It was all just in case; something she herself hadn't had.

If anyone could understand losing a mother, it was Peyton. She'd been unlucky enough to experience that phenomenon twice. And lucky to have had known an extraordinary woman in that 'role' twice.

She had her mom, Anna, for her first eight years. She remembered feeling safe, loved, and just _happy_. Anna had been the most stable aspect of her childhood, the one person she fully depended on, since her dad was usually away. They'd had their "girl's day" rituals, they painted, they sang, they danced, and they went through the day to day routine of life together. Anna was the woman who kissed away hurts, who turned bad days into learning experiences, and who exclaimed over the smallest things that Peyton did.

Everything was always the same in ways, but so very vastly different. Every night, as far back as Peyton could remember, Anna would sing her to sleep. Sometimes lullaby's, sometimes ballads, and sometimes just a random rock song. She'd adored that habitual practice. And every night would come: _If I could line up all the little girls in the world, I'd choose you. _Peyton had thought it a silly thing to say, when she took the time to think about it. Of course Anna would choose her; she was her mom.

Losing Anna changed everything. It took away that stability, it took away that unconditional love and endless support, and it silenced the music. She'd never hear her mom's voice as the last thing each night, singing her into dreams. She was far too old not to understand the magnitude of her loss, and far too young to know how to cope with what it meant for her.

Peyton Sawyer dealt with it by closing everything out. If she never became attached to anyone like that again, she'd never feel this level of pain again. She tried to hide the silence under constant music, only to eventually fall in love with that for its own sake. But it would never fully fill the silence without Anna's voice accompanying it. She expressed her feelings of loneliness and confusion in her art, taking the rudiments of what her mother taught her to try to capture elusive emotions. She hid that away from the world also, too afraid to put it out there and have it tossed back at her, with no one to exclaim over its greatness before hanging it on the refrigerator.

But at the age of sixteen, she learned how to finally let people in, to bare her vulnerability and gain strength from it. She learned how to have faith, and believe in something greater than herself. She even, through a conversation with the basketball coach, Whitey (who had lost his wife), been given the gift of simply sharing her days with her mom. He told her that he knew his wife was listening, and with him everyday. So why not her mother? This started Peyton's visits to her mom's headstone when she had news to share or was in need of guidance. It wasn't the same—being only a one way conversation—but it did help in its way.

Learning Anna wasn't her "real" mother was tremendously devastating. To have a perfect stranger introduce herself as Peyton's mother wreaked havoc on already battered emotions. All her life, 'mom' was Anna, even if she'd had more years without her than with her. This Ellie person posed a threat to everything Peyton believed about 'mom'…at least, that's how it felt in the beginning.

"'_She loved you with all her heart. And this other woman…Ellie…she doesn't change who your mom was. So don't you. Don't you _dare_.'"_

Those words coming from her dad had been like a slap to the face. She'd felt lied to and betrayed when she'd learned the truth about her parentage; she had let it color the way she thought about the entire situation. But those words…those words clarified one important point. No matter what, or who, happened in this life, Anna Sawyer would always be Peyton's mom.

She clung to every memory of Anna that she had, terrified that they'd somehow slip through her fingers or fade away if she were to satisfy her curiosity about Ellie. But she was curious, she couldn't help it.

Finding out about Ellie's interest in music was both awesome and horrible. The former emotion evoked for obvious reasons and the latter because that was one less thing that tied her solely to Anna. Because she hadn't gotten her looks from her, like many have said. Her laugh wasn't Anna's laugh, her mouthy attitude not only Anna's as Ellie was also that way. Nothing was inherited from Anna, but she frantically held on to what she could.

She'd been _relieved_ when Ellie said she couldn't draw; this could be an obvious connection to Anna, who was a great artist. It was something she could point to—literally—and say, _I got that from my mom_. That information had soothed something dark and jagged in Peyton's soul, edges that had appeared with this new development in her life. That relief had been profound, simply because Peyton's childhood memories were hazy at best. She had had Anna for eight years, but for many of those she was too young to store away details; it was mostly feelings that were left.

Having that one obvious connection torn away from her, brought the feelings of betrayal front and center again. She'd chosen to save herself from further pain by once again closing things out; in this case, Ellie. She'd sent her away to protect herself, but that didn't end the curiosity nor did it stop the sickly feeling of regret from taking over. Peyton was aware of the breast cancer and the possibility that Ellie could die. And the one thing Ellie asked for was the chance to get to know Peyton.

She didn't want to have regrets about this; she already battled enough of them to last her a lifetime. So she extended the proverbial olive branch, and made the choice to reach out to her birth mother.

It was weird hearing those little comments that highlighted the blood tie between herself and Ellie. Like, "'_you kicked through the whole_ _third trimester but then you didn't want to come out. You were stubborn even back then.'"_ But she was extremely grateful that Ellie didn't try to be her _mom_ and didn't think twice about referring to Anna as such. She just wanted to be let into Peyton's life.

Ellie stopped being any sort of threat, and started becoming a friend. But more than that, too. Because Ellie taught her things, about herself, about relationships, and about life. She didn't try to mother Peyton, but she didn't shy away from those kinds of situations, either. Peyton only really got three weeks with Ellie, but those weeks meant the world to her. Those were weeks she'd never forget.

It was nice to get to feel, even for a little while, what it was like to have a mother during those hectic teenage years. To have someone to talk to and share experiences with. She hadn't wanted it to end really. She loved Ellie, in her own right, for her own reasons, but in a similar way to how she loved Anna. As an extraordinary woman who impacted her life and helped shape the girl she was and the woman she would become.

She cherished the time she had with both Anna and Ellie, letting the good memories ease the hurt of losing them, a hurt that would always be a part of her. But she refused to allow that hurt to override everything else, taking to heart words Ellie had shared on their last night together.

"'_Every song has a coda, a final movement. Whether it fades out or crashes away, every song ends. But is that any reason not to enjoy the music?'"_

It wasn't. From Ellie, she learned to take risks, and live life to the fullest. To not hold back, because it's never really too late to put yourself out there and chase what you want.

That didn't mean it was an easy lesson to put to use. Peyton learned to put serious action to her words and emotions from a biological brother she later met. But that's another story.

Years later, when she met her birth father, she'd hoped for a similar experience. She didn't get it. But what she did receive, was a glimpse into the life of her mother—Ellie—when she was young. She got to hear about how she fell in love, what she was like, and even some insight into the choices Ellie had made regarding Peyton.

Mick Wolf entered her life for seemingly no real purpose. Peyton was grateful for the Ellie stories, but didn't understand why Mick came into her life if he didn't exactly care. It was cool that he was a musician, but he wasn't much of a father figure type of person, not even for Peyton's brother Derek, who Mick _had _raised for awhile. Peyton had had Larry, so she was okay in the dad department; but it still hurt that Mick didn't seem bothered to have missed her whole life. Before he left for good, he had given her a one-year sobriety chip she didn't want to take…until he explained why it was the most meaningful thing he owned.

"'_That was Ellie's, the year she was pregnant with you. And, uh…to tell the truth, you saved her life Peyton. She was hell bent on staying sober during the pregnancy and that was…hard, for her. But it was so much harder giving you up.'"_

"'_Then why did she?'" _

This was a question Peyton never got to ask Ellie. It wasn't that she hadn't been curious, but during the weeks they had together, it wasn't a subject that readily came up. Ellie hadn't volunteered that information; the closest she'd come was when they met and she bluntly told Peyton it was because at the time she liked drugs more than her. And that statement was made after Peyton had bitingly mocked why Ellie had come to town. Those words had stunned her, but she couldn't be sure of their validity since she felt her bitchy question deserved a bitchy response. All the same, she'd been a little too scared to ask why Ellie had made the choice she did.

"'_Because we thought there was a better life for you out there. Hell, we couldn't raise a kid. Not in our world. But…I don't think Ellie ever really got past it.'"_

With that answer, came a deeper sense of understanding. Not just for Ellie, but for Mick a little, too. It brought a deeper sense of appreciation for the choice they made…for the life they let her have, by letting her go. For the parents she _did _get to have, Anna and Larry. To finally know, for a fact, that the decision hadn't been fueled so crudely as 'drugs over baby' because if that had been the case, Ellie wouldn't have earned that chip. It was solid proof she could hold in her hand that Ellie had loved the child she'd carried, enough to struggle through hard decisions and make the best one she could.

So Peyton could be gracious enough to thank the only two people she had the opportunity to say the words to; Mick for letting go, and Larry for being her dad.

When it came to the other two important people, she was sure they already knew.

"'_Say hi to my mom…mom.'"_

She'd liked to imagine that they had met up there somewhere; she'd hoped they were proud of her and where she was headed. The loss of both of them would always, _always_ linger in her heart. She'd always want to be able to talk or seek guidance. But she'd be okay, because it wasn't about Anna and Ellie being gone; rather, it was about everything they left with her. Everything she would be able to pass on to her own child one day.

One day came faster than she expected.

Peyton's pregnancy had come as a huge surprise. It took a few moments to comprehend the information, before she had let tears of relief (she had thought she was sick) and joy burst forth. She possessed Ellie's picture of them from the day she was born; cradling it in her hands, she let her mind drift into all of the connections. Peyton was going to be a _mom._ A child that was a piece of her and the man she loves. A child that would know about 'grandma Ellie' and the connection of blood ties and choices; connections Peyton shared with Ellie and would have with her child. A child that would know about 'grandma Anna' and the connection of choices and childhood moments full of love; connections Peyton had with Anna and would get to have with her child. And Peyton was _ready_ to build those links with _her_ child.

She spent the first few months of being pregnant with her hand resting over her child. Partly as a protective gesture and partly as a way to remind herself it was really happening. She'd gotten teased for already talking aloud to her baby, but she didn't care. She was happy, excited, and she already loved her unborn baby. Besides, Lucas did it too sometimes, when he thought she was sleeping and couldn't hear him.

Peyton was also scared. Sometimes she thought that maybe she wasn't ready to raise a child, that maybe she wouldn't know how. She had spent more years not having a mother than she did having one. What if that meant she couldn't be a good mother? She was aware that these thoughts were irrational, which is why she never voiced them. But they were there. Only sometimes. The rest of the time, she felt she'd be okay; she could pass on what she did know and learn the rest with her child. Theoretically, no one knows what kind of parent they'll be until it happens.

And now it was happening. With extreme complications. The doctors diagnosed _placenta previa_; a condition in which the placenta is lower in the uterus than it should be. In Peyton's case, it was almost completely covering the cervix. That, coupled with how small her frame is, led to slighter higher risks than other pregnancies of this condition. Given her size, the doctors didn't believe she could carry the pregnancy to the 30+ weeks for a healthier developed baby; they thought she'd probably lose the baby anyway, and put Peyton's body through unnecessary shock.

The risks were hemorrhaging during pregnancy or delivery, sometimes severely enough to cause maternal death. If it happened too soon in gestation or too suddenly, the baby would die as well. Doctors recommended the couple terminate the pregnancy since the risks were very high in Peyton's situation.

The day they received the news, Peyton and Lucas had returned home in silence. Everything was a daze in her mind, jumping around between all of the good and bad thoughts she'd had since she first found out about the pregnancy. But she couldn't do what the doctors suggested, no matter the risks.

Peyton was scared. She knew Lucas was, too. But she didn't expect him to even remotely agree with the doctors, for any reason. But he did. At first.

It was in that moment, facing off with him, that she learned about motherhood on a completely new level. It didn't matter that she had moments where she doubted her ability. It didn't matter that she hadn't had much of an example growing up about a mother/child relationship. All that mattered was that she already loved her baby, and she would fight for his or her life with _everything_ she had. Even against the man she loves.

She was just glad he didn't fight her for long. That he was willing to leap off the proverbial cliff with her and take the risk. Peyton had already known that Lucas loved her greatly, but this situation really let her see that. First, by his not wanting to chance losing her if she continued the dangerous pregnancy and second, by his believing in her enough to support her decision. And stand behind it with her.

And while Peyton _never,_ not once, regretted making the choice she made, she did fear the ramifications.

She was scared of missing it all. Of never getting the chance to meet her child, to see first steps or hear first words. To watch as her child learned life lessons, fell in love, married, and had babies of his or her own.

She was scared of not being known. That one day, her child would wrap tiny arms around another woman and grace her with the title of mom. That Peyton would be nothing more than a random person in a story. Like when people talk about Kennedy being a very charismatic speaker, engaging his audiences very effectively, and you're born in a time when it's something you're told and will never get to experience for yourself. Even though she knew that between Lucas and Brooke, she'd be more than _just_ a story.

And from her own experiences, she was scared of not being remembered. Or in this case, her child not having _any_ memory to hold onto. For her child to never know what she sounds like, how she speaks, to hear advice she would've given in different circumstances. To not have any sense of who Peyton was as a person.

That's why she made the memory box. That's why she recorded the video. She wasn't giving up hope of being there, she wasn't doubting that things would be okay. She was just preparing a way to keep her child from growing up with the same awful feelings she herself had had to work through. She'd do everything she could to save her child from that.

She was glad—and didn't care how it came about—when Lucas didn't remain angry about the box and video. And very emotional when he agreed to add yet another memory to it.

That day was a great day, more than she'd ever expected it to be. Perfect. Right up until the moment she looked down to see blood, sending fear coursing through her system and the mantra of _no, no, no, no, no, no_ racing through her mind before it blanked out completely.

Things were foggy as she struggled towards awareness, keeping her eyes closed against the gritty dryness she felt, hearing Lucas' voice but not comprehending the words at first.

"'…and she doesn't even have a name.'"

That wasn't true. Like Peyton carried Elizabeth in honor of family, this baby would carry Sawyer, since Peyton no longer did. So she told him, fighting to get the words through a parched throat. "'Sawyer. Her name's Sawyer, okay.'"

She even managed to open her eyes, meeting those of her husband before he was suddenly there, holding on for dear life. Her mind was still fuzzy and dazed, barely capable of processing _daughter, Lucas,_ and _Brooke_ when the brunette had entered the room.

Then the image of blood flashed through her mind and she urgently asked about the baby. Every bad feeling draining away when she heard the baby was fine, but still needing to see for herself. And needing it to just be her family, without the clinical distraction of a doctor.

When the door opened again, Peyton didn't register the woman who walked in, only having eyes for the tiny bundle of baby and reaching out for her when she was still halfway across the room.

The moment the baby was placed in her arms was monumental. It was true, what they say about a love so strong, so full, so _absolute_ for your child, that nothing can touch it or explain it. It just _is_.

Peyton, of course, did cry. "'Hi, _Sawyer_. Do you remember me? I missed you. I'm gonna love you _forever_.'" That was a promise she fully knew she could keep. Forever had no end and she didn't plan on her love for her daughter ending, either.

She didn't care about anyone or anything beyond her little family. Peyton couldn't keep her eyes or her hands away from the little life in her arms, examining every minute detail and exclaiming over every new discovery with Lucas.

Peyton Scott was a _mom._

Every decision, good or bad, every wrong turn or right one, every single event, big or small, that led to _this_ moment with _this_ feeling was one hundred percent worth it. If it meant creating this little girl, then Peyton would experience it all over again, even with all of the hurt she'd trudged through.

Her family, this moment, was everything she ever dreamed it could be. And she had a lifetime's worth of those moments to look forward to.

***Sawyer***

Sawyer Scott happily bounced onto the school bus, smiling widely at the driver. "Mornin' Mr. Jam'son!"

He greeted her back with a laugh as she practically skipped by. She liked him; he reminded her of those grandpas in all the movies.

It was easy to spot her best friend—and cousin—Kyle Baker, since he was sitting in the same seats they always use. She flopped down next to him, dropping her Teenaged Mutant Ninja Turtle backpack on the floor next to his matching one. She was the purple one, Donatello, 'cause he's the smart turtle and Sawyer's the one who usually has the best ideas for stuff. Kyle was the blue one, Leonardo, 'cause he's the brave turtle who takes care of the other ones. Plus, Leo's the oldest, and Kyle's a few months older than Sawyer, so it made sense.

Their moms were usually the other two when they all played together: Aunt Brooke being the 'fun, spirited' one, Michelangelo, and her mommy being the 'fiercely loyal, sarcastic' one, Raphael. Those were always hilarious games.

"You missed Friday." Kyle informed her. "An' I didn't see you all weekend."

"I know. Didn't you go with Aunt Brooke an' Mikey to New York?"

He nodded. "Yeah. Mom had some meetings, but me an' Mikey had fun with Amy. We went to the zoo."

"Cool! I love zoos. Me an' Mommy went Friday. 'Cause we both wanted to see the new baby dolphins before everyone went on the weekend."

"You missed school to see baby dolphins?" But he was laughing as he said it.

Sawyer grinned. She _loved_ learning about sea animals. Besides, it wasn't unusual for her and Mommy to take a "day off" once in a while to do things together. Sometimes, Daddy takes one with them, but it's mostly just the girls. Those are some of the best days of her life, and she's been alive for six _whole_ years, which is a lot of days. Like, _thousands_.

"Did I miss anything 'portant?"

"Kinda," Kyle offered. "Ms. Parks is gonna have us do family tree stuff."

Sawyer wrinkled her nose. "What's that?"

"It's about your family. We're gonna color giant trees on butcher paper, and cut out leaves for it. On the leaves, we hafta write people's names and who they are in our family."

"Like my name, and then say I'm a daughter?"

"Nah, our names hafta say 'me' under 'em. But for my dad's name, I put 'dad' under it. An' Ms. Parks said we can even draw pictures or use real ones if our moms say its okay. Then, 'stead of show 'n tell on Thursday, we all getta tell the class 'bout our trees."

"That sounds awesome!" Sawyer exclaimed, bouncing in her seat a little. She had a pretty interesting family, so this was definitely gonna be fun.

"Aww, I remember having to do that too, when I was a baby."

Both Sawyer and Kyle whipped around at the sneering voice to see one of the bigger kids making a face at them.

The kid continued, "Too bad you don't gotta family to do one about."

Kyle swallowed, "What do ya mean?"

"You're adopted right?"

"Yeah, so?" Sawyer butted it. This boy was being mean to Kyle for no reason, and she didn't understand why. Kyle didn't do anything.

"Do ya even know what adopted means?" He laughed. "It means your mom didn't want you, so she just left you somewhere until the cops could put you in a house with other kids no one wants. Your mom just threw you away."

"Nuh unh, I got a mom." Kyle defended, even though he didn't sound too sure.

"Yeah, for now. When she gets tired of ya, she'll send ya back to the throw-away house."

Sawyer was so mad she turned to kneel on the seat facing that kid, opening her mouth to yell at him. Before she could, Mr. Jamison called, "Sawyer! Turn around and sit correctly, please."

She did, but only because she didn't want to get in trouble, and she liked Mr. Jamison. She turned to look at Kyle, who was staring at the floor. He looked like he was about to cry.

"Hey, don't listen to him, he doesn't know what he's talkin' 'bout." Sawyer assured her cousin, patting his arm. "Aunt Brooke loves you lots."

He didn't say anything. And he didn't say anything all day. In class, they sit by the alphabet, so Sawyer was too far away to talk to him. When the class started coloring their giant trees, Kyle just sat there ignoring it. And during recess he just tried to ignore her.

When she asked if he wanted to have a contest to see who could hang upside down on the monkey bars the longest, he didn't say anything. When she offered to play tetherball (she hates that game), he didn't even smile. He didn't want to race or slide or swing. He just walked around the playground not saying anything.

She walked with him, being quiet too. She didn't know what to do or how to make this better. So she just walked.

Her bus stop was one of the last ones in the morning, so it was one of the first ones after school. She kinda didn't want to get off and leave Kyle there alone, especially with that mean kid still on the bus. But Kyle whispered _bye_ and Mr. Jamison was waiting for her to get off, so she did.

As soon as she jumped off the last step, she saw her mommy waiting for her on the sidewalk and walked straight into her open arms. It was a hard day, but Sawyer felt a little better now. Being inside of her mommy's hug was magic like that.

"Hey, baby girl! Did you have a good day?" Her mommy smiled at her, putting her hand on Sawyer's back as they walked to the house.

Sawyer shrugged. Opening the door, she mumbled _hi_ to her daddy, who was typing on the couch, and went straight to her room.

It didn't take long—it never did—until her mommy was sitting next to her on the bed, looking at her with her 'worried' eyes.

"You wanna tell me what that was all about?"

Sawyer just looked at her, all the icky-bad feelings of the day making her mad and sad. So she started to cry. Mommy just pulled her onto her lap and rocked her until all the tears dried up.

She felt the kisses pressed to her head and heard Mommy murmuring that everything would _be okay_. She just hoped that was true.

Mommy dried Sawyer's eyes and looked at her again. "You ready to talk?"

Sawyer nodded. Taking a deep breath, "Me an' Kyle were on the bus talking 'bout family tree stuff. An' one of the big kids was mean 'bout Kyle being 'dopted. He said 'dopted means no one wants you. He said Kyle got throwed away, and that Aunt Brooke would do that, too, when she got tired of him. I think Kyle got sad 'bout that, an' I told him it's not true, but he wouldn't talk _all day_! An' I tried everything I could think of to make him."

"Oh, baby." Mommy whispered, stroking her hair. Mommy was quiet for a few minutes after that; Sawyer just waiting. Her mommy always made things better, so she'd be able to fix this, too.

"Do you remember when I was telling you about grandma Ellie and grandma Anna, and how I had two moms?"

She did, recalling, "Gran'ma Ellie was your tummy mommy, 'cause she grew you in her tummy. Gran'ma Anna was your heart mommy 'cause she took care of you."

"Right. Sometimes a lady will have a baby, but can't take care of it. And sometimes a lady can't have a baby, because she can't grow it in her tummy, even if she really wants one."

"That's not fair." Sawyer frowned.

"No, it's not." Mommy agreed. "But it can work out. Ellie had me, but couldn't take care of me, so she gave me to Anna, who couldn't have a baby. That's how Ellie is my tummy mommy and Anna is my heart mommy. You understand?"

Sawyer nodded.

"It's the same with your Aunt Brooke. She can't be a tummy mommy, so she became a heart mommy, instead."

"That's why she got Kyle and Mikey? What 'bout their tummy mommy?"

"I don't know how much you remember, but Michael's tummy mommy wasn't ready to be a mommy, so she gave him to Brooke—"

"An' Aunt Brooke found out that Mikey had a big brother." Sawyer interrupted.

Her mommy nodded. "That's right. She'd given her first son—Kyle—to a family three years before she had Mikey, because she was too young. But that family decided they couldn't take care of him, so—"

She interrupted again, "Kyle 'members bein' in a house with lotsa other kids."

"That's called foster care, baby." Mommy explained. "When a family will take care of a kid for a short time, until their mommies are ready to be mommies. Or, in Kyle's case, once the kid is adopted. Aunt Brooke found out about Kyle and decided to find him, so that he and Mikey could know each other."

"Then she became Kyle's heart mommy, too."

"She did."

Before her mommy could say anything else, there was a light knock and Daddy peeked in. "Babe." He indicated the phone in his hand. "Brooke. She sounds half hysterical."

Mommy took the phone with a _thanks_ and leaned against the wall, Daddy sending a smile to Sawyer before disappearing behind the door again. Sawyer guessed her parents had decided this was a 'mommy thing', 'cause when that happens, the other parent stays out of the way until everything's better and Sawyer's ready for them. Unless it's a 'mommy and daddy' thing, when they're both there to make it better.

"Brooke?"

….

"No, I know. Sawyer told me about—"

….

"Yeah, an incident with a brat saying mean things about adoption."

….

"He did? What'd he say when you explained?"

….

"What!"

Sawyer watched her mommy, worried about Kyle and what's gonna happen. Plus, it didn't help that her mommy looked worried, too.

"You want me to— okay, okay, I'll be right there."

Mommy hung up the phone, running her hand through her hair and sighing.

"Did Kyle finally talk?" She hoped so, 'cause it was scary having him be quiet for so long.

"He didn't say much, just enough." Mommy told her. "Aunt Brooke asked for my help, so I'm gonna go over there."

"Can I come?" When it looked like her mommy was gonna say no, Sawyer hurriedly continued, "I can play with Mikey so he's outta the way. Uncle Julian's not home, 'cause of that meeting 'bout a movie, 'member?"

Mommy let her go. Sawyer was nervous on the drive to Aunt Brooke's house, a little worried about what would happen if they couldn't help Kyle. He was her best friend, has been since they were three years old and their mommies took them to the park. Her mommy simply said that Kyle was her new cousin, and family should help each other out. So Sawyer had grabbed Kyle's hand and dragged him to the sandbox, explaining her idea for a mini city. After that, they did everything together.

As soon as Aunt Brooke opened the door and saw them, she fell into Mommy's arms for a hug. Sawyer figured Aunt Brooke needed a little of Mommy's magic to feel better, too.

Aunt Brooke said that Mikey was with Aunt Haley, who picked him up when Aunt Brooke realized how serious the problem was, and Kyle was in his room. She explained to Mommy that she told Kyle they were family forever and that she loves him more than anything. She even used Mommy's idea and explained about tummy and heart mommies.

He still wouldn't do anything except sit there, staring at his hands in his lap. He wouldn't even cry. That's when Aunt Brooke got desperate and called her best friend for help.

Mommy went into Kyle's room, sitting on the bed next to him. Aunt Brooke sat on the floor right outside the door, so she could hear everything and kinda see in. Sawyer sat herself right next to her aunt, holding her hand and hoping that would help Aunt Brooke feel a little better.

She could hear her mommy talking to Kyle and trying to get him to talk, but he didn't want to.

"Did you know I'm adopted?"

There was silence, then Sawyer finally heard her cousin's voice for the first time since that morning.

"Really?"

"Yeah. Kyle, hon, do you know what adopted means?"

"That no one wants you. When they do, it's only for a little while, 'afore you get sent away again."

Aunt Brooke's grip got really tight; Sawyer wiggled her fingers, hoping it would loosen, which it did. She didn't like what he said either, but a tiny part of her was scared that it might be true. Her mommy said that Kyle had had a family before, but they put him in foster care. He was given away twice.

"Who told you that?"

"One of the big kids on the bus. He's in the fourth grade, so he's really smart."

"Well, I finished school, so I think I'm smarter than he is. What do you think?"

"Yeah." There was teeny tiny smile on his face. She figured Aunt Brooke saw it too, since she smiled as well.

"That is not what adoption means." Mommy's voice was her firm voice, the one she uses when she knows she's right and you gotta listen to her. "Adoption means that someone picked you to be her very own little boy. Sawyer said you remember being in the foster home with other kids?"

"Uh huh. A little. Those kids didn't have mommies or daddies neither."

"And hopefully that's changed by now. But you, kiddo, _did_ get adopted. Your mommy picked _you_ out of _all_ the kids without mommies, to be her son. And she loves you _so_ much, she's always gonna be your mommy."

"But that happened afore, when I was a baby. Then they didn't want me anymore."

Sawyer heard her aunt Brooke choke a little. She leaned closer, using her free hand to wipe a tear off her aunt's cheek. She didn't like it when grown-up's cry; they're supposed to be braver than little girls.

"That's their loss, because I think you're an _amazing_ little guy. And Brooke's not like that. She's one of the best people I know, and she loves you. You're her baby boy."

"What happens when I get bigger?" Sawyer could almost hear the challenge in his voice; Kyle usually did that when he hoped you were right, but he needed to make sure. She let herself smile a little bit.

"You met my dad, right?"

"Uncle Larry. He's super funny."

"Mhmm. Well, he adopted me when I was a little girl, and he _still_ visits all the time to make sure I'm okay, even though I'm all grown up now, with a baby of my own. He's always gonna be my dad, 'cause he loves me. Like your mommy loves you."

Sawyer saw her mommy lightly tickle Kyle, making him wiggle a little bit.

"Face it kid, you're stuck with this family forever. No matter what."

And maybe he just needed to hear that from someone who's like him. 'Cause he started to cry, turning to press his face to Mommy's tummy while she rubbed his back. Aunt Brooke started crying too, getting to her feet, racing into the room, and pulling Kyle into a very big hug.

Sawyer climbed into her own Mommy's lap, just needing a hug for a moment.

After everyone calmed down a little bit, Aunt Brooke pulled Mommy away to say thanks and give her more hugs. Sawyer only laughed at that, then gave _her_ best friend a hug, too.

"You okay, now?"

"Yeah." Kyle smiled. "Yeah, I am."

Sawyer smiled back. "Good."

Her and mommy had gone back home, where they told Daddy everything that had happened while they ate dinner. Daddy had made Sawyer's favorite (creamy pesto with chicken) wanting to cheer her up. Afterwards, while Mommy did dishes, her and Daddy played a couple games of BattleShip with Daddy trying to sneak peeks at her side. When she'd catch him, he'd just say he wanted kisses, pulling her into his arms for tickling.

After everything she experienced over the day, she was really glad to have the family she did. She had never thought that her mommy or daddy didn't love her, because they told her they did all the time. Her parents were always there when she needed them. Today she learned, because of that, she was a very lucky little girl. And her cousins were very lucky little boys. Their family was just awesome.

At bedtime, Daddy tucked her in and read some more of _The Secret Garden_. She was really liking that story. They shared goodnight hugs and kisses and then it was Mommy's turn. Once, she'd asked why they mostly did bedtime separately, and was told that both her parents loved having 'alone' time with her. So even if they spent all day having one-on-one moments, the bedtime rituals didn't change. Mommy sometimes sang songs, like gran'ma Anna did for her as a little girl, but mostly they just talked.

Like tonight.

"Mommy, you think Mikey's gonna think the same things as Kyle when he gets bigger?"

Mommy tilted her head like she was thinking about it. She curled up on the bed next to Sawyer's feet. "He might, baby girl. But I know he'll be okay, because he has Kyle to talk to about it."

"Like Kyle's got you." Sawyer grinned at her mommy. "An' Aunt Brooke, an' me to help him."

"Yep. He has a whole family who loves him. So do you."

"I know." She couldn't help the sleepy yawn that took over the end of that statement, making her mommy laugh lightly.

"'Night, baby girl. Dream sweet dreams. I love you." She leaned over and pressed a couple kisses to Sawyer's forehead.

"'Night. Love you, too." Sawyer snuggled into her pillow, wrapping her arms tighter around the stuffed baby lion she's had for years, and letting her mind clear; she was tired.

Mommy had barely made it to the door, when a thought made Sawyer sit up and stop her.

"Mommy?"

"Hmm?" Mommy turned around, smiling, and waited to hear what she had to say.

"Thanks for talkin' to Kyle, 'cause I didn't know what to say. An' I'm glad you're _my_ mommy, 'cause you're the bestest one in the whole entire world. You always make my sad days better."

Mommy blinked her eyes really fast, looking like she was gonna cry, which alarmed Sawyer. Her face must have given that away, 'cause Mommy laughed softly and came back to pull Sawyer into her arms. She whispered into her hair, "Happy cry."

That made Sawyer feel better. Happy cries were good cries. She was glad she hadn't made her mommy sad, because that would make her sad. She didn't like feeling sad.

She just hugged her mommy back really tight. More kisses, more goodnights, more _I love you's_ were exchanged before Sawyer was left alone in her room, tucked under her blankets with her baby lion.

It had been a hard day, but her mommy really did make it better. Probably for Kyle, too. Sawyer didn't know about other kids' mommies, but she figured hers really did have magic in her hugs. They always worked. Even Daddy thought so; he'd said it once, that Mommy gave 'healing' hugs.

Before falling asleep, Sawyer thought about some things; she was glad that her mommy decided to be a tummy _and_ heart mommy. And that she was Sawyer's.

_Fin.

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**Comments and constructive criticism are highly appreciated! Let me know what you think: about the story, about my writing style...anything! It'll help my writing. :-) **


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